All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
