just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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