M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
