her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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