she was so not down for the gang bang
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
