I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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