Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
