I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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