I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
