sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
