he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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