I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
