Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
