I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
