Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
