I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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