i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
