Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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