Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
