If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
