Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
