Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
