Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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