I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
