After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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