Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
