So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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