hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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