Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
