I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
