I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
