Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
