You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
