I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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