Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I look excited, but its just a facade.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
