imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
