just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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