kristin has been a bad kristin
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
