Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We are two peas in an std pod
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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