Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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