come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
