Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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