I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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