around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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