i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
