tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
should my penis look like a turkey
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
