My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
