she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
