Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
