Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
