How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
