Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
