I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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