I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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