If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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